When talking about the two they go hand and hand but they are very broad subjects when separated for consumption, however, today we will talk about the about them in a cohesive manner that is mindful of the two because when the two are combined they become important to everyone involved whether they know it or not. It’s important to know what kind of relationships we have and the money situations we are in individually before another person because they inherit it if they are in a relationship with us. Both of these subjects are important in the broader view of life and how we traverse it not only as individuals but duos if we choose that route for ourselves.
Types of Relationships
In this life we have several relationships that we go through, everyone has their differences but once we have them figured out some, then we become more knowledgeable because of it moving forward. Starting out in our lifetime we come into this world with the relationships of family ( our moms, dads, aunt, uncles, cousins, etc.) some people are lucky they have Both a mom and dad , others no so much & their not present they are doing a terrible job or someone else is in that role entirely. The next relationships we have are family friends that are friends of our parents or other family members that we previously mentioned, these people vary depending on your family and your people. The next relationships we have are on us because these are the friendships we makeover out lifetime, some are short, some long, some in our childhood, others in our adulthood, also they can be with male or female. Some are for a lifetime & even though we are on separate journeys it’s like leaving a bookmark because we pick like we weren’t separated, others we finally realize their not the best for us and we cut ties as a best-case scenario & move on. Finally the last relationships we have are romantic ones, they can be male or female & also depends on our sexual preferences as an individual. Like friendships these can vary in length some people don’t compliment each other & frankly toxic to each other’s well being while others go on to become engaged, married, then possibly start a family of their own. They can come from lots of places a previous friendship, someone liking or having a crush on someone outside a friendship skipping it altogether. There are plenty of other ways it can happen it just depends on the person. Every relationship is different & each comes with it own pros and cons it comes down to the individual people involved.
Relationship Checklist
When we talk relationships and money both hold a significant amount of weight when they are discussed & they’re all important but for this article we are gonna start at romantic relationships with a boyfriend or girlfriend, others aren’t important when we talk money but it’s even more so when we make a decision to complement a significant other or have them in our lives whether for a short time or for a long stint. Now that we know where we’re starting as far as a relationship is concerned we can talk about it, before they even start their appearance plays a big role and the gatekeeper on who we approach off top which is a factual thing that everyone goes through, somebody probably doesn’t agree with that premise but let me simplify this for just about anyone, a person doesn’t see your personality from the jump most times that comes with time of actually getting to know someone for who they are rather than just the physical, what I can equate it to is seeing a vehicle on the lot of the dealership, it may be terrible or great but an eye test happens, same goes for people. Once a person makes a judgment on another individually or has their friends put their two cents in on them then they start going down a checklist of things that they want from a relationship far as their ideas & views. When I speak on a relationship checklist, it’s a mental thing we check off over the time we are dating someone or just getting to know someone on a personal level more than just what you see. Everyone has things they need and even want to be with someone or have someone compliment them. Here are some of what people take note of overtime:
Do they drink (occasionally or hard)?
how many relationships have they been in?(Boyfriends or Girlfriends)
Do they smoke, hookah, or vape?
Do they party or go clubbing (some or a lot)?
Are they introverted, extroverted, or omniverted? (Look it up if you don’t know)
Are they religious? (Are they hardcore or go every blue moon)
What is there sexual preference as a person?
Do they have some ambitions & actually assert themselves?
How seriously do they take their physical appearance?
Are they sexually active? (Are they a virgin, celibate, or physical regularly)
Do they have a kid(s)?
What are their intentions of being in a relationship? (Is it just something that is just physical or are they looking for something more)
How is there self esteem of themselves ? (Are they down a lot or are they really conceited/all about their physical looks?)
Follow up far as a person having a kid(s)
Do they take care of them?
How is there relationship with their children, mom or the dad they made them with, & their family?
Follow up for a person wanting a physical relationship.
What are they expecting or wanting physically from it?
Are they clean? (STD wise)
What is their stance on abortion if faced with it? (Are they pro-life or pro-choice)
These may be a few of the things that a person may have in their mind and keep notes on someone getting to know more and more every day about somebody & if we want to move forward in a relationship with them no matter what type it is. People are set in their ways and only change because they want to for a particular reason, this doesn’t give a person Car Blanche to use what they figure out & hold it over a person’s head, it’s just a way to make an informed decision moving forward instead of just going off someone’s looks because they are beautiful, cute, handsome or, fine looking at the exterior. Once someone meets a person after getting past the facade we are left with questions we have to answers to while we’re getting to know them, if they are religious then they are probably celibate or a virgin because they believe in waiting till marriage to do anything sexually & they probably don’t drink that much or really party like that. The opposite of that is people that want physical relationships, their not against being sexually active, and best-case scenario their gonna be open about wanting that off top because that is something that everyone doesn’t want , & they party drink all that, however in doing things like this they open themselves to other things like unplanned pregnancies that can be a by-product of it resulting in children & a decision of abortion which is prevalent now, they even have to deal with things like STDs, was the sex consensual & that is predicated on if a person decides to be upfront about everything their doing & not cheating or made someone their side piece & not going a different direction then what they portrayed from the start. With all this being said prior everyone is not monoliths, some people that consider themselves religious are sexually active party, & drink, while people that party & partake in things may be celibate or a virgin by choice. Stereotypical views may get us started far as getting to know someone but every person is different just like every romantic relationship. People can ask questions like what’s your number (basically how many people have you been sexual) or what is your occupation. These can be helpful asking things like this but people have to be prepared for the answers & they’re response for their curiosity, because if it’s more than one somebody will feel some type of way & on the flip side of things a person can sandbag their answer if they think it’s low or say less than what it actually is because they don’t want to be judged for their past partners . Same with occupations what happens if they say adult dancer/entertainer or something to that effect you don’t agree with personally, what next? Some questions are very great at helping people in deciding if they want to deal a person in a relationship while others are very blunt in nature asking, a person should be prepared when getting the result even if they like the person they are pursuing. Lots of things can affect someone’s decision moving forward in a relationship, some people pigeon hole themselves by what they say on social media or just thier whole demeanor on that front like “you can’t handle a strong woman” (so your a carry on luggage of a person now) “I hate men” (so does that include every guy your speaking in absolutes) or my favorite “asking if someone is ok is irrelevant” (it all depends on the person asking) Every person has different perspective and view on things & we live in a time where we can voice our opinions on social media on everything especially relationships constantly and regularly even if it’s in absolutes, with the flip side people can fire you up in disagreement to what you said. People always say don’t @ me when they don’t want clap back and even will block people as a last ditch effort to avoid confrontation (some people deserve it & it comes with discretion) . The downside with this is that when people post their thoughts regularly & constantly when Mr. or Ms. Right comes along (a person that fits your checklist) they may be turned off by your constant opinions about relationships and you may be a nice person but the facade shows another thing entirely. Every person approaches relationships differently depending on their own experiences & everyone makes a their own choices from that like with physical relationships the only thing that matters is thier physical appearance at the moment & best case scenario they include the other person, other may use the before mentioned checklist to actually make an informed decision before leaping, others will glance at everything choose with no regard to anything & just repeat like it’s a living definition of insanity & end up like Deon Cole mentioned in his special “ You ended up in a situation because you got with or married someone on one level when you could been on a higher level with someone else”. Another way of expressing it is “don’t cast your pearls before a swine”, some people don’t deserve what you bring to the table & will prove who they are constantly, when they are toxic or leeches in human form.
Money In A Relationship
Now that we have a constant variable when talking about relationships we can now talk about money in a more effective way moving forward since we elaborated on it. One thing that is the biggest wish of parents is for their children to be self reliant one day, basically be a person that can take care of themselves in a normal sense & a financial one too, not just being someone that relies on their parents all the time instead their own hard work and skills. This rings true with other relationships we have in our lives as well & is even more important in romantic relationships. Self reliance being a part of someone’s skillset & being something that varies case by case some people being frugal & penny pinchers while others more free when it comes to their money. When dealing friendships that self reliance allows people to take care of others when out because they have the option to do that & have the option to pick up the slack for someone else who is short or can’t do something right now (not to be confused with someone just skating along waiting for a hand out ) this applies to family & family friends that are in our lives, sometimes we want to treat the people around us if we have the chance, this whole idea goes to another level when we decide to be in a relationship. Whether people are dating, living together without being married, actually married, or started a family of their own money is an integral part of the entire idea of relationships. People have a different ways of doing things & different views & perspectives but the common denominator is income always. Want kids or because of certain choices we make personally their o the way & were going half on a child, children cost money till they’re independent, decide to live with someone without being married to them or going through marriage it cost money to do, if someone decides that a marriage is not forever for some reason then people get divorced, that’s money unless their is a decision of a pre-nup. Before anyone decides to do any of these things, best case scenario a person has their own fiscals skills before they even make the decision before they even make a decision to team up with someone else. Whether good or bad everyone learns from the experiences they have forming their own perspectives & views on things & how they do things especially with money, in a relationship the best thing that can happen is finding someone that complements you not only on a personal level that meets your needs & some of your wants but actually comes into the relationship with their own mindset & willing to actually conversate on their stance relating to others & not just being a person that moves in a way where their significant other has to be reactive or guess what they want. Some people want traditional relationships where the norms are very straightforward like a breadwinner where a male makes the money & the female isn’t out for a 9 to 5 but everyone has their particular roles, others want a non traditional relationship where a female is working a job, everyone picks up the slack far as roles in & out the house & the relationship is different compared to older ones which isn’t bad, there are people that are forced to flex in the way of doing things because they have to like a single parents or widows, others decide they want to be trophies where they don’t do traditional things, what comes to mind is the comedy bit by Eddie Murphy. Their are so many people that are swayed by what they learn over their lifetime like everything else & some people are frugal only getting what is necessary what comes to mind is the dad from “Everybody Hates Chris” while others want to to be more open with their money & truly liberal, what comes to mind is Oprah when she was giving away cars. A case study for this is my mom’s parents, when they were younger thier dad (my grandfather) was very conservative far as money getting what was necessary & nothing more, it work out because the five of them went on to thrive as a teacher, chemist, soldier, electrician, & aerospace engineer, fast forward several years their children got to experience way more because of what they experienced decades prior. No one truly is one way when it comes to fiscal skills & smart people truly weigh everything like other variables before getting in a relationship.
Marriage & Money
If you took a look at Pinterest nowadays most females (not everyone that is just unfair) have a list of everything they want in a wedding or their dream wedding if you will, everything from ideas to settings to even the dress they want, a big life event for most relationships is marriage which brings two people & families together & for most people that is the idea but it has become something else entirely like everything else. Nowadays it’s a time to take pictures for social media so people can show off not just to capture the moment because that’s the time we live in, it’s an overpriced thing because people overcharge because (it called the “wedding tax”) its well above what they would normally charge for something to the same effect & the idea of what it varies from person to person, to some people they think it should be it between a male & female & because of this has caused much debate over it, others believe its a social construct & is truly unfair to people who enter it because forever is a long time, many people sit on a spectrum like any other thing. Some people forgo the big event & still get married but do so in smaller events. I know one couple went through getting married legally at the courthouse & said they would do a bigger event down the line, another had a small wedding in a house with family because their thinking was they would rather spend the money they had to travel together than spend the same amount on a big shindig which makes sense. Others forgo it entirely live together and have the same relationship without typing the knot without the agreement of “till death do us part”, some people are waiting because that is there personal choice or they don’t believe in it entirely altogether. At the end of the day the concept of tying the knot comes down to the the people in the relationship, & from a money standpoint two people making a decision TOGETHER & have to be truthful with each other like every other aspect.
Epilogue
When talking about money it is managed by by everyone in different ways & once we make a decision to team up with someone else in another facet of our lives that comes with other variables. Whether someone wants to go the traditional route where they get engaged, married, & have kids (not necessarily in that order nowadays) or go against societal norms because they do not want be married or have kids, every situation comes with their own choices from everyone involved. I know as an individual person I know there are certain things I want & don’t want from life, relationships aren’t excluded it’s being able to express those things & finding someone who hold the same views, we’re not gonna agree on everything it’s a fact of life but it comes down to people making an informed decision for THEMSELVES not just based on one thing.